10 Things You Should Never Wear
By Leslie Barrie
Everyone’s heard about the key items that should be in a closet: black trousers, a classic pump, a white oxford shirt, etc. But what about those items that should not be in there— the ones that tempt you to betray your fashion sense and keep you from looking like your usual, put-together self? Yes, these items may be comfort pieces, but most likely they fit like anything but. So rid yourself of them now before you pull an Eve and pick that red apple. Check out our list of items to purge.
Booty shorts.
Jessica Simpson could pull them off in Dukes of Hazzard, but, then again, it was a movie. Translating this trend to real life is a different story. Short shorts can be pulled off successfully—think loose-fitting nautical pairs for spring, but it’s the unsuccessful versions that we see the most of. If you are unsure if short shorts are right for you, take it as a sign and stick to their adorable cousin, the Bermuda. Still holding on? Walk a lap around your bedroom. If you have to yank them down more than once, it’s time to give them the boot. Because when you step out of the house, don’t think that everyone around you is oblivious to your pain. It’s visible.
Cropped tops.
Unless you’re at the beach or in your PJs, don’t forget that showing off your stomach is definitely circa 1998. Put your baby tees in your pajama drawer and store your skimpy “going out shirts” in the attic. If you’re not ready to toss them out just yet, try layering the shorter top over a longer tank.
Shoulder pads.
You’re not a football player. And if by some slim chance you are, you wouldn’t wear your game gear to the office, would you? Maybe you think that shoulder pads make you look “serious,” but, really, it’s unflattering and frumpy. Cut them out now.
Low rise pants.
Skinny jeans in. Low rise out. Please help humankind and wear either a long top with these pants or ditch them altogether. Do not use Britney Spears as your fashion muse and keep your extra-extra-low-rise-plumber-crack pair around.
Feathered jeans.
They’re a lose-lose. Not only do bleach marks give the jeans an inexpensive look, but the whiskers make you appear wider in the thigh region. Any pair with appliqués is also not okay. Rhinestones and decals just make it look like you went a little crazy with the glue gun.
Netted tops.
You would think this one would be obvious. And yet you still see this MAJOR fashion don’t at clubs and on the pages of celebrity magazines. Leave the nets to the fishermen. We don’t want to see your bra. Even if it is a cute color.
Scrunchies and hair claws.
Use these for at-home purposes only. They were cool when you were in the second grade, but now they look, well, elementary. If you need a way to hold up your hair when you’re straightening, curling or blow-drying then, by all means, scrunch away. But the minute these accessories see the light of day, you’re entering the fashion danger zone. If they match your outfit, it’s still a no.
Pleather.
Either opt for the real deal or, if you’re against animal products, don’t even go there. It looks cheap—probably because it is. People easily recognize that it’s fake, so don’t try to pass it off as pleather without the “p”.
Bad beach wear.
Just because you’re going to the beach, doesn’t mean you can get away with wearing anything. Cover-ups can be especially terrible. Just remember, see through = not a do. And make sure to buy a swimsuit that fits. One-piece swimsuits are really in this season, so don’t rule them out!
Skin-tight white.
Tight white pants show off everything. Capri and short versions show even more—and not in a flattering way. If you still have these in your closet, you need to either opt for a shape that gives you some more room or rethink the color. Anthropologie, J-Crew and many other retailers have some great, relaxed pairs for spring and summer. If the main fabric is spandex, chances are they need to be retired.
Getting rid of these items doesn’t mean you have to throw everything in the trash. Your booty shorts may be someone else’s Bermudas. So be a good samaritan and donate them to the Salvation Army or thrift shop. Because if you don’t, you won’t have room for that adorable spring dress you’ve been dying to buy.
I'm totally into former Playmate of the Year Sara Underwood's hair. The dress...not so much :(
My current crushes are the Michael Kors peep toes seen above, the Steve Madden wedges seen below and the black Gucci Indy bag above right. I don't yet have the Indy..will soon, you can bet on it.
